Universal Truths

Coping with your own failed suicide

Universal Truths
Coping with your own failed suicide
Suicidal Crisis
Being Overwhelmed
Think what you're leaving behind
Is someone you know suicidal?
Coping with the failed suicide of a loved one
Having a SUICIDAL CRISIS

If you have made a serious attempt to end your own existence and have failed; are you injured? If so please contact the emergency services without delay.
 
Australia OOO. Canada 911. Eire 112.

New Zealand 111. South Africa 000.

United Kingdom 999. United States 911.

 

Back from the brink

So it all went wrong and we're still here, shocked and confused but still here.
 
 
Well, we are certainly not alone in this... According to the World Health Organisation approximately 10 million of us fail to successfully 'exit' each year. Whilst we can contest the numbers provided by the WHO, there are three things that we cannot contest.
  • The attempt failed
  • We are still here
  • We have to come to terms with this

Before working out what to do next, we need to come to terms with what has happened. For now it is probably a good idea to concentrate on living just in the moment.
 
I'm assured that taking deep breaths, listening to soothing music and thinking of something which we personally find relaxing is a great help in managing the present.
 
Not only is deep breathing really helpful, but having beautiful thoughts or reliving beautiful memories can work wonders too. Especially if such warming thoughts are accompanied by soothing sounds. 
 
But please beware. Avoid harmful, tragic or painful memories at this time. Potentially devastating memories are best "excorcised" by sharing them safely with someone (possibly a health service professional) in the future.
 
Be assured: There IS a future, it is your future and you do have a starring role in that future.
 
Anyhow, coming to terms with having attempted suicide and having to live with having survived that attempt is no small matter and needs to be addressed.
 
Initially we should focus on living in the moment. Try and treat yourself to whatever comforts you. Have a hot bath or shower. Treat yourself to your favourite meal. Listen to inspirational (not tear-jerking) music. Cry. Contact an old friend. Watch a funny movie. Pamper and distract yourself. Treat yourself with care and please avoid self medication

Who else knows what has happened?

Just You       One Other       Some others           Everyone

Despite the above possibilities it is pretty certain that if any others know, then word will spread, and sooner or later everyone will find out. Even the emergency services are known to gossip, and the news can spread like wildfire. The finger pointers and the gossipers will finally have something to talk about and this can intensify all of the negativity we need to struggle with. Unless you are sure that only you know of your failed attempt, it is probably better to assume that everyone knows - or will know in time. With this in mind, prepare for a rollercoaster ride.

Peoples reactions and attitudes towards you will change radically and will allow them to display their ignorance and confusion in a new light. Many will whisper, heads will turn and we become the butt of whispered jokes and mocking scorn. Some people will become more attentive, supportive and thoughtful

Our nearest and dearest undergo a wide range of powerful emotional responses from pain (that we could do this to them) to anger (that we could do this to them). Some will insist on taking personal "resposibility" for what has happened by finding guilt in what they have - or have not - done. Some will not take their eyes off of you and one (at least) is bound to tell you to pull yourself together.

Peoples reactions will vary widely, some will respond in a positive way, others in a negative way. Some will be totally unable to come to terms with what has happened and there will be those who will blame those who are nearest to us.
 
In the worst case scenario, everyone knows that you tried to kill yourself but failed. This really is s scarey scenario. But, in a strange way it is potentially a 'life-savour'.

As human beings we usually have a tendency to increasingly isolate ourselves from those around us when we are becoming suicidal.
 
This isolation didn't do us any favours. In a sense we simply continued to silently swallow pain and bottle up the hurt until we exploded............. and we attempted to end these feelings by ending ourselves.  
 
This self-destructive 'isolation' now becomes a luxury that some (well-meaning supporters) will seek to deny us. Often this may cause us to react. Funnily enough this reaction is good because it helps us to redirect our emotions and helps us to vent our pent up emotions and not internalise our pain. It can liberate us from the prison of our own 'isolation'.
 

 
 
 
If you are alone in your pain, please do not make the mistake of trying to live through this nightmare on your own.  It will overwhelm you. it is too painful, and being alone really does make it worse. Try to share what is going on with someone. If not now, then sometime in the future - your future. Try not to be on your own AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE AVOID SELF MEDICATING WITH DRINK OR DRUGS.
 
I am aware of how seductive suicide can appear as a cure to suffering. But suicide is a lethal cure which denies us any possibility of recovery. It reminds me of a stupid saying: "The operation was a success, but the patient died". Suicide is not a cure, it denies us any possibilty of recovery.
 
Recovery has to be our sole objective. To recover, we need to heal we need a  healing process. Whilst the fine details of recovery will vary from individual to individual, the general principles will be the same for everyone in a suicidal (or post-suicidal) crisis. Recovery has to be our way forward.
 
In my own (sometimes daily) struggle to combat and supress my suicidal impulses, I know that I have done everything wrong.
 
The biggest pitfall I repeatedly fail to avoid is self isolation. By cutting ourselves off from others - we also cut others off from ourselves.  Others can be a lifeline, by severing this link we are cutting off the possibilty of recovery.
 
This negative 'reaction' only serves to amplify our pain, suffering and the soul destroyng loneliness which makes suicide appear so seductive 
 
Self-isolation really doesn't work. Don't do it. DO NOT FACE THIS ORDEAL ALONE. Being with others and speaking about what you are going through with a fellow human being is the first step in your long overdo recovery 
 
This first step may seem impossible and it will take a lot of courage. But if you are strong enough to die, then you are also strong enough to live. The simple fact that you are reading this is a good sign. You are still alive and that is good. You are suffering and that is bad. But bad must not cancel out good.
 
As human beings we have a strong survival instinct. Listen to that instinct and remember: You don't cure an headache by cutting off the head.
 
If you do not feel comfortable about talking with a particular individual or organisation face to face at this moment, that's ok. Pick up the phone instead.
 
One thing we really need to do is phone someone and regain control of life. We can do it - so let's do it. Someone is waiting to hear from us - even if they don't know it yet. They are important to our recovery process. They will help us to take the next step. Hey, trust me on this. After all we've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. That sounds like good odds to me.
 
Obviously in this moment you could still be being torn between life and death. That's ok. It is ok to have suicidal feelings. It's not ok to act upon them. I can only urge you to take the difficult decision and talk. Rest assured you'd be doing the right thing.
 
In this dark period, we really do need to communicate with human beings and not people.
 
The difference between these two tribes is that human beings have compassion. People are just faces in a crowd.
 
The fact that you are experiencing what you are experiencing only confirms that you are a sensitive human being, and as such, need the support of other sensitive human beings to overcome these feelings.
 
With this in mind, the obvious recommendation has to be your loved ones. I know that very often this is easier said than done, but more often than not, they are the very best people to confide in and support us.
 
If, for whatever reason, this is not acceptable to you. An excellent source for contacting others who have been through, or are going through, what we have been through, or are going through is self-help groups.

If your first attempts at re-opening communications fail - don't worry about it and don't give up. Not everyone is a natural listener. Some people will simply be unable to handle what you're saying. Others will be marvellous. Be prepared to try and try again until you succeed in making contact with a fellow human being. There are still a lot of them about.

Once this contact has been established and you are able to share your feelings with someone who genuinely cares, things will begin to improve. After that, the next thing is to find, adapt or develop your own coping strategy. One which suits you and meets your needs. I've included quite a few in DASI: Signpost. Good hunting.

Once you have human support and a workable coping strategy you can begin to resolve the underlying issues which brought about your suicidal crisis. One thing I do recommend to everyone, try to surround yourself with hugs and cuddles. They work so well.
 
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU WILL WIN THROUGH
 
Remember, if you don't feel up to talking with anyone face to face at this moment, but you are in a crisis, please speak with crisisline counsellors. They are non-judgemental, supportive and they are there for us all.

AUSTRALIA 1800-193-193
CANADA 1-800-667-5005
EIRE 1850-60-90-90
NEW ZEALAND 0800-543-543
SOUTH AFRICA 0861-322-322
UNITED KINGDOM 08457-90-90-90
UNITED STATES 1-800-784-2433
 
 
In the event that you really feel unable to talk with anyone. Try using text or email messaging. Sometimes the simple fact of simply writing things down on paper can be a very liberating experience.

 Take very special