If you are going through a suicidal crisis and
are being torn between life or death - but don't want to discuss it at the moment, that's fine - you could
possibly be in the right place.
WELCOME to options2suicide
If things have now gotten so bad, that you are beginning
to believe that the only way of putting an end to your emotional pain - is by putting an end to your physical
life, you are in great danger.
Suicide is not the
only means of putting an end to the emotional pain you are going through.
- The fact that you're actually physically here, reading this message right now means that
you could be trapped inside a terrifying emotional nightmare - seemingly without end.
- If this is so, you will be painfully aware that you need to end your suffering at any
cost. Even if this cost involves dying. The suffering must stop.
- You are right of course. You do need to end your suffering - you do need to heal the pain.
But suicide is not the way to end your suffering. Suicide will not heal your pain. Suicide simply passes this
pain onto someone else to deal with.
- However, at this moment - being trapped in this emotional nightmare you
will be feeling torn apart by the need to live, and the desire to die. As strange as it may seem, this
is a positive sign.
- The pain you are experiencing is very real. It hurts. It is not something which is simply 'in
your head'. Your pain has now got to a point where it is overwhelming your capacity to cope - and it is becoming
insufferable. It is simply too much to bear - and it feels like it will never go away.
- As this pain increases - the need to die also grows stronger. This is because emotional
pain saps your will to live as you grow ever weaker. In the situation you are going through, this really is understandable.
- Given the pain you're in, your need to end it all is both perfectly natural
and healthy - No
one wants to suffer. No one.
- Suffering is unhealthy, so your choice not to
suffer is a perfectly healthy choice.
- If you wanted to continue living in pain
you would have to be mad. But you're not. The fact that you would sooner die than continue suffering proves that you are not
mad. It is vital that you appreciate this. This is a truth.
- You are not crazy, wicked, weak, or going mad. You are suffering. You need this pain
to stop. This pain is not stopping which is why you are experiencing this emotional nightmare.
- Please bear one thing in mind, and that is that what you are experiencing is a condition. BUT
YOU ARE NOT A CONDITION. You are you. You are hurting, but you are still you. Please do not forget that.
- Another thing to remember is that conditions do improve. Conditions come and go. Perhaps
they may never be the same as before - but conditions do improve.
- At this moment, you are probably feeling alone and trapped inside a truly frightening place.
Where (given the feelings which you are experiencing) it is perfectly normal to feel that the only way to end your
emotional pain is to end your physical life. Millions of us know this place.
- Throughout the history of our species countless millions of others have actually been through
this dreadful thing and survived. SO CAN WE. With this in mind, it is important that we understand that there are
millions of others who share our pain and what we are going through.
- The fact that there are so many millions of others who have, and do survive a suicidal crisis
is itself quite inspirational and should fill us with hope. It is proof that options to suicide really do exist.
Stay with me on this please you are not alone.
Emotional pain can be agonising and can cause misery and suffering well beyond our capacity
to survive that pain. This is what is happening. You are not weak minded. You are not a freak. You are a human being who is
going through a truly terrible time at the moment; and your power to cope is being overwhelmed by intense emotional pain.
- I know that I may be repeating myself and that it is hard to believe, but this pain will
pass. No matter how bad it is and how much worse it will become. One thing is sure. Eventually - it will diminish.
- The suicidal thoughts and feelings which you're experiencing is a natural response to the pain
you're going through. These too will diminish in the fulness of time. But at this moment, you will still be experiencing suicidal
thoughts and feelings. Do not be afraid.
- Remember one important truth, there is a world of difference between having suicidal thoughts
and acting upon them. Whilst it is ok to have such thoughts, it's not ok to act upon them.
- Suicide is not a coping strategy. Suicide is a killer. Suicide does not heal. Suicide
guarantees you will never heal. Suicide does not end pain, it passes it on to someone else. Suicide is not a sanctuary. Suicide
is not an option.
The bottom line
- You desperately need to feel better - to do this you need to be able to feel. If you are dead,
your feelings will also be dead - you will not be able to feel better. You will be dead and your loved one's will be devastated.
Suicide will not help you feel better.
- Human contact, emotional support and a good coping strategy will help you to feel better. Human
contact will help you to feel better. Emotional support will save you and those around you, and a good coping strategy will
help you recover.
- It is vital that you accept one simple truth: Suicide is not the solution you seek. But
the real solution is out there. It is only a question of time till you find it, but find it you will. BUT ONLY IF YOU STAY
- In this situation, it is normal to experience being torn between life and death
- and let's be honest - it's both scary and confusing. Again, given the situation, it is perfectly natural
and is nothing for us to panic about.
Let's have another recap.
- We know we are going through Hell because pain is overwhelming our ability to cope with
- We urgently need this painful situation to come to an end. This is why we are contemplating
- We are not crazy, weird or weak.
- We desperately need "not to be" in the pain we're in . And not as previously thought
desperately need "to die". There is a whole world of difference.
- Suicidal feelings really do pass.
With these important things in mind, I hope
things are becoming just a little clearer.
- Now, we need to make sure that we take control of this situation, and not allow these situations
to take control of us.
This will require a good coping strategy and people around us who genuinely care. Hopefully
this DASI site will help to find a good coping strategy.
The difficult bit
- Given that it is your life which is at stake here - and the
sanity of your loved ones. The next step is to transform the struggle from "not to be" (in an intolerable situation) into
"to be" (in a happier one).
- This process requires certain steps and hard work by each one of us. But this struggle is
all-important and will be worth it - after all death is no real alternative. But we
must not forget, we are not alone. Millions of others have survived this so why shouldn't we?
- The important thing now is for us to take the really
difficult step and approach someone we can confide in.
- It is imperative that we reach out from where we are.
We need to speak with someone who is prepared to listen. In a perfect world this would be a loved one or relative. But, this
isn't a perfect world.
- However, whoever we choose, it will be not be
easy. Let's be honest It'll be bloody difficult. How does one break such news to people you are closed to? It won't
be easy..... But we really have no choice, and in the long run it will be worth it.
- One of the biggest obstacles is not knowing how to
explain the confusion we are feeling. Especially when the person we really need to be speaking with might even be the one
'responsible' (in some measure) for how we are feeling.
- How we make
someone aware of what we are going through will vary from person to person. Some will prefer a direct no nonsense
face-to-face approach, whilst others, may write lengthy documents. Whatever, approach we choose, it is vital that we
open this dialogue.
- One approach
might be to not throw them in at the deep end, but allow them a gentler introduction. This person may have been aware
that there is a something seriously wrong and has been worried about you.
- Slowly explain what you are going through.
Perhaps you could even use the DASI website as a means of breaking the ice. Possibly pointing out a passage to them and
adding "this is how I feel". Or "this is what I'm going through". By doing this together it could be a very
positive first step for both of you - I hope.
Other things you can do is
- Avoid using alcohol or recreational drugs to block reality out. This usually only serves
to make matters worse. Although it is appealing and often far too convenient to ignore, try to avoid it. The bottom line
here is that successful suicides can be the result of impulse - And, alcohol often makes us impulsive.
- Try to sleep. Even daytime catnaps will help to calm. If sleep seems impossible, periods
of rest can be a great help. Remember that alcohol is not a sedative it is a sleep disrupter.
- Talk to someone who is a good listener.
- Don't panic you are not going mad.
- As a last resort call The Samaritans ( or equivalent organisations outside of the UK
and Republic of Ireland) or the Emergency Services .
Most people have suicidal thoughts and feelings at some point in their lives; this is
a natural response when pain overwhelms the body's capacity to cope with that pain.
Almost all suicidal people have conditions which will pass with time and/or
assistance and/or a recovery programme. In the meantime, there are hundreds of steps one can take to improve the situation
for those of us going through a crisis. These could save lives and prevent a great deal of human suffering.
The road to recovery
It would be foolish to pretend that the road to recovery will be short and filled with happiness.
It is more likely to be long and filled with sorrow and disappointment. It will take our best efforts and our perseverence.
I'm sure that we'll all falter and stumble, but that's only to be expected - we're only human after all.
Whilst everyone's journey will be unique - they must surely share the same
- The experts are uniform in their insistence that the first major obstacle we are
required to acknowledge is our pain - and also acknowledge what caused it. We also need to accept that whatever
caused our pain also hurt our bodies, minds and emotions
- To accomplish what we need to accomplish we need the support of human beings who empathetically
understand our pain, and will be able to share coping strategies and mutual support with us. Support groups are ideal to meet
- At some point, we may well consider reaching out for professional help. A therapist or
counsellor who each one of us - as individuals - feel comfortable and at ease with.
- One thing which appears to be universally agreed upon is the need for each of us to share
our feelings with someone -family and friends - if possible.
Having taken the bold decision to communicate with someone and lay bare the hurt within
you; the next step is to find someone to confide in.
At this point psychiatrists, priests and doctors are 'customarily' recommended as a first
contact. In truth, I personally have a problem with approaching these people as the first step to recovery.
First contact is all important.
Some psychiatrists will be listening from the viewpoint of defining us as a mental
illness: Considering whether or not to place us in a secure environment and what dosage of anti-depressants to prescribe.
Many priests believe that suicide is an unpardonable sin, and some could truly believe
that we will burn in Hell. Whilst doctors (who have the highest suicide rate of any profession) will be inclined
to prescribe medication and refer you to a psychiatrist.
Having said that, it could be that the overwhelming majority of priests , doctors and psychiatrists would
be the perfect point of first contact.
If, initially, you are reluctant to speak with a person face-to-face you could also consider
telephone helplines. These are ideally suited to provide the help, support and humanity required. If you'd rather not talk
with anyone there are now more and more email and text messaging options available. This is of course your choice - please
make it wisely.
- The important question now is deciding who you can communicate with as a first contact.
Generally, a loved one or a close friend is the obvious choice, but possibly,not always the easiest choice.
The problem here is that we don't want to trouble or worry those close to us. We don't want
to become a burden on them, nor let them down. We are anxious about what they will think of us, and we are worried about
being rejected by them.
These feelings are natual and commendable but (in the situation you are in) must be
overcome. IT IS YOUR LIFE AT STAKE. You cannot afford the luxury of such thoughts.
Given that it is your life at stake, ask yourself which is worse - risking worrying friends
and loved ones with your feelings - or shattering their lives with your death.
I know it's a risk. But if they love you they will try to offer what support they can.
Grasp that support without shame or guilt. They won't want you to kill yourself and they will probably never forgive you or
themselves if you did.
Whosoever you choose it is important that you be as honest as you can. But perhaps not
all at once. Take as much time as you need. Once communication has been established move at your own pace. But be as honest
as you possibly can.
Once the immediate danger has passed, it makes sense to put some preventative measures
in place to prevent it happening again.
We need to reach out from the place where we are. Isolation is a very real danger to us
all. It feels 'right' to hide within ourselves, but we cannot afford to isolate ourselves forever. It really
is too dangerous..
We must try not to leave it too long before we reach out for help. It really will not
get any easier with the passing of time.
We must not be afraid to reach out for assistance. We are not begging for charity. Instead
we are reaching out for help (which we feel able to accept ) from the individuals we feel able to accept it from.
A family member, partner,friend or colleague. Doctor, nurse, health service practioner, priest etc. Anyone you feel to be
If you are unable to do this, why not use a telephone help-line. Organisations like
The SAMARITANS are there to talk (and much more importantly = to listen) 24/7.
If you recognise that your crisis is out of control and your coping strategies are breaking
down - go to your nearest hospital emergency admissions department, and let them know of your situation.
- IT IS NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO RE-ESTABLISH OLD FRIENDSHIPS WHICH COULD NOW BE SERIOUSLY
DAMAGED. INSTEAD, TRY TO ESTABLISH CONTACT WITH NEW PEOPLE. SUPPORT GROUPS ARE HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
- REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU WANTED TO END YOUR SUFFERING - YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DIE
- If possible we should get rid of everything which we could use to kill ourselves
- We are stongly advised to get rid of all the bad things in our lives which have caused us so
Avoid abusive bullying people who
cause pain, distress and misery. If you are trapped in an abusive relationship, get help and get the Hell out of it, while
everywhere where we feel threatened, sad, distressed or just uncomfortable.
- We should avoid any and all situations which cause us stress, unhappiness or pain.
- We should think of the positive things which brought us happiness in the past. Imagine doing
- At the same time we must avoid BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES which can make us maudling and depressed.
- We should try to structure our days around doing the things which we used to enjoy doing.
- At the same time (and this is important) avoid doing the things which can damage us,
or cause us pain.
- We should concentrate on living one day at a time. When we relax more we can make it
two days. Then three etc until we can plan next years vacation without worry.
- Try to rediscover the activities which we used to find highly pleasurable.
Try to consider the suffering
that your death would cause.
- Never forget suicide crises do pass.
Finally, the idea of anyone committing suicide to somehow teach someone a 'lesson'
really doesn't work.
Anyone who doubts this simple truth should speak with the families of suicides.
To understand HOW YOUR SUICIDE WOULD DESTROY THE LIVES OF YOUR LOVED ONES you could contact Survivors
of Bereavement groups. Speak with one of their members, or counsellors, or simply ask to attend one of their meetings.
I'm sure that learning of the devastation that suicide inflicts upon those left behind by
their own loved ones would make any human being think twice about their actions.
The following DASI websites may be of use in helping you diffuse a suicidal crisis
Please don't forget your crisisline number
Australia 1800-193-193. Canada 1-800-667-5005.
Eire 1850-60-90-90. New Zealand 0800-543-543. South Africa 0861-322-322. United Kingdom 08457-90-90-90. United States 1-800-784-2433.
Having said all that. If you really can't speak to
someone face to face nor speak over the telephone you still have options. For example emailing...
I'm trying to find some text messaging services,
and as soon as I can, I will include them, so please don't give up on me - and more important - don't give up on yourself.