LONELINESS

LONELINESS

Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Whilst some of us choose to spend some time alone we may never experience feeling (or being) lonely. At the same time, some of us can be surrounded by others and still feel extremely isolated and lonely. This can be especially true, when the only contact between us is verbal and impersonal. This shallow contact is both physically insubstantial and emotionally meaningless

As human beings we do have an inbuilt need for the warm comforting glow we experience from knowing that we are unconditionally accepted and loved. In the absence of this most fundamental of all of our emotional needs; we can become isolated and haunted by feelings of loneliness and the belief that we are not worthy of acceptance, friendship or love.

Suffering from loneliness can make us extremely hyper-sensitive to any and all forms of rejection. Real or Imagined. This feels like we are trapped in an heightened (semi-permanent) state of tense expectation. Just waiting to be snubbed or rejected.

This over sensitivity on our part can (and all too often does) transform the slightest snub (actual or perceived - intended or unintended) into a very painful proof that we really are not worth knowing.

This "sought after rejection" serves to entrench and enhance our feelings of worthlessness.

Feelings of worthlessness are dangerous. They can (and do) lead us into hurtful relationships where our feelings of worthlessness are further entrenched and enhanced. These feelings can also keep us trapped in damaging and abusive relationships.

Many of us find acceptance through an institutional identity: Armed forces. Police etc. Still others find acceptance in the fellowship of religious and political movements and assorted cults and belief systems - including psychiatry.

Meanwhile, some of us can become so brutalised that we simply accept our worthlessness and abandon ourselves. The usual methods of self-abandonment are alcoholism and drug addiction.

These two coping strategies frequently lead us into social ruin, poverty, homelessness, prostitution and criminality. All self-harming activities suggesting a complete and utter indifference to whatever befalls us. Believing that no-one cares for us can result in a similar self-indifferent recklessness to ourselves.

Some of us sink into the dark despair and take our own lives whilst there.

What to do about it

Call Time Out. Those of us who are experiencing emotional isolation need to to think about talking with someone. Preferably, an attentive, non-judgemental listener; if for no other reason than to simply express our unhappiness. To get it off of our chests. It seems that this is the first step in our turning things around. This sounds so much better than saying 'our recovery process.'

In all probability the 'listener' will (with the very best intention in The World) suggest a visit to speak with our family doctors.'

In all likelihood the doctor will simply seek to address our anxiety and depression (which is associated with our loneliness) by treating us with medication. This will only

address our symptoms and will not address the under-lying cause.

Counselling is an option which provides each one of us a more holistic view of ourselves - past and present, body and mind - and works to reduce our feelings of isolation through our self-understanding and release of past pains that is cutting us off from others - and ourselves.

CONCLUSION

It seems that the more we are packed together, the greater the distance between us becomes.

However, loneliness is one of those things which we can all do something about.

One good way to eliminate the suffering caused by loneliness, is for each one of us to be to be nice with each other.

CLICK HERE FOR LONELINESS COPING STRATEGIES

Sometimes 'relationships' can defeat loneliness - sometimes

Traditionally, relationships have proved to be a vital and (quite frankly) necessary part of our 'human' condition. So much so, that the idea of a perfect one is very highly desirable and we all want one.

Unfortunately, for many of us, it can be both painful and confusing to have to admit to ourselves that we need a relationship. Because this means that we need others to be happy.

Like a great many things in life, our relationships can be a major source of confusion and disappointment. This can be because we don't have enough of them. We don't have the right type or quality. The relationships we do have are unhealthy. Don't satisfy us. Are a source of despair, irritation, pain or even danger - as in abusive relationships.

If all this wasn't bad enough,we experience feelings of sadness, rejection and wretched loneliness when we realise that the relationship we yearn for, is simply not going to happen.

As soul destroying, miserable and damaging that our loneliness can be, it can be 'balanced out' by another one of our painful emotions - pain. The pain caused by our fear of rejection that we experience whenever we try to form a new relationship with someone special.

Meanwhile, those of us in relationships are not spared from pain either. Relationships are prone to breakdown. Some end painfully some tragically. Some in abuse, contempt and treachery etc.

Most failures are probably due to us not managing to 'measure up' to our varying needs, hopes, desires and appetites. Some appear to simply lack the basic interest necessary to keep the relationship from collapsing.

Rather than being lonely an unknown number of us choose to remain in harmful relationships and accept our pain meekly. Others escape and face a different sort of relationship-challenge; finding new relationships that are not based in suffering.

None of us is perfect.

This being so, none of our relationships can possibly be perfect either.It goes without saying that even the most healthy well-balanced, caring and supportive relationship will experience periods of tension. Periods which are dark distinctly uncomfortable and difficult.

Whilst some relationships are undoubtedly healthier and better to be in than others, there is no such thing as a perfect pain-free relationship

Creating Satisfying Relationships

Life really isn't fair. This lack of fairness being so, it is becoming obvious that some of us are enjoying a far easier time forming and maintaining relationships than the rest of us.

In particular those blessed with a physical appearance attractive to the opposite sex. Great personal wealth and powerful social status would explain why some of us have numerous relationships. Let's be honest there is no shortage of people who want to be with others who are attractive, well off and or famous. But there are also many, many people who aren't particularly attractive, rich or famous who still enjoy numerous satisfying relationships.

It seems that what sets these regular satisfied types apart from other less-satisfied people are their mastery of social skills.